When one door closes another one opens and then you break a toe or two....

Things have just been crazy lately...  Since my last entry I was just floating along through my training and just generally letting things get me down. Nothing in particular but some really stupid things really got me feeling really down. I was seriously starting to doubt my own self-worth and everything I had accomplished so far when life decided to throw me a few curve balls.
The first happened nearly two weeks ago. I had had a crazy day at work and as always on a Thursday I was starting to get really tired. So I went to my session honestly not really wanting to. Since I had my phone on silent I didn't receive my txt from DRok and was just a little surprised to find him coming down the stairs when I got to the studio. He said he wanted to go for a walk and talk. Of course me being me I assumed the worst and my mind went into overdrive. Of course I was right. He decided that he didn't want to train me anymore because he can't be the trainer I need.Needless to say, that threw me for six. We went back to the studio and did our last session together which was legs. I smashed the female leg press record. 261 kilos for 8 reps. Was good to go out on a high. 

Looking back,I think it was a good decision. Not that I hold any animosity towards D-Rok, I never could. I will be forever grateful for how far into the journey he helped me get to. But there comes a time when you've done what you can and you need to move onto bigger and better things. I wish D-Rok all the best in his future endevours and look forward to seeing his business thrive. 
You know what they say though, when one door closes another one opens. The next door to open is actually something I'm really excited about... I had a meeting with Luke from MP last week and we discussed me training with him.Luke is one of the best trainers in the Metabolic Precision  program. There is an article about him in the inspirational trainers section. Click on the link and have a read... We sat down and had a chat and Luke asked where I was motivation-wise and I said a 6/10. We discussed motivation and how it helps with strength training and I have decided that until I feel that I am back up to 10/10 and have my drive and my 'why' I'm training I'm only going to do group training which is ICE. I'll also be doing some ICE training on my own as soon as my toes heal. When I'm back on track I'll talk to Luke about strength sessions. I'm really happy to be back at MP doing the group sessions.I've really missed them. The atmosphere there is just awesome and I absolutely love the people. I feel like I belong there. I am also looking forward to seeing the results from this part of the journey. 
The second curve ball came that Sunday... I broke my little toe and possibly the one next to it. I've never had a broken bone before so I'm actually rather distressed that it had to happen now and be such a stupid break! It hurts like hell considering how little it is and this will be my second week off training. 
Third curve ball? I may have to stay in Brisbane when DH goes to Albury. While I'm not going to give up without a fight and try as hard as I can to get home to where I need to be for me, I'm a little discouraged. I hate that I can't plan anything in my life without having to wait and see what DH's career and bosses have to say. I know that it's part of the life blah blah blah but it would be nice to have some sort of control of MY life. After all the only document I signed was my wedding certificate and I'm pretty sure it didn't mean I became controlled by the green machine. I'm not complaining just venting. 

Right now, right at this very minute though, I'm feeling a little depressed about not training and working. I've lost my focus nutrition-wise and I'm actually really embarrassed and disgusted with my food choices.  Over the weekend I indulged in pizza, curry, burritos and worst of all KFC... So I guess it's no real surprise that I feel like crap... I've been putting crap into my body...
 I am trying REALLY hard to stay positive I really am just a few things have me feeling a little um 'emotional'. Tomorrow I am going to try and take my dog for a walk. I'm going to do my weekly food prep and am going to stick to the nutrition rules of metabolic precision. I am also thinking of starting to record my food in my diary again. I'm pretty lucky, I don't think I've gained too much if anything over the last few weeks thank goodness for that. I need to get back on track and not lose all that hardwork... 

I would like to take this moment to thank all of the people who have been there for me over the last few weeks. Whether you knew it or not you helped me not go nuts and just listening to my blabbering saved me from turning into a big bawling ball. Thank you so much. Words can't express how much I truly appreciate you being in my life.

The trip to Newcastle went well. It was REALLY cold which was yukky but I had a great time catching up and spending quality time with my inlaws. I got two runs in and while I wasn't happy with my times I have to admit I am proud of the fact that I ran up all those hills and only died going up one ONCE!!! My nutrition wasn't too bad either although I did indulge in a few delicious goodies :)
It's one month and 11 days until the City 2 Surf. I'm not sure how I'll go but I am hoping to be able to get some training in before it. Peta is off on injury too atm so keep your fingers crossed everyone that we can heal quickly, get some training in and smash that run!
This month I am also doing Dry July in memory of my friends and family and friends and family of my friends who have died of cancer. The money I raise will be going to help Nepean Cancer Centre which is in my hometown of Penrith NSW. The Cancer centre provides awesome care for cancaer patients in the Penrith and Blue Mountains areas. This is the link: https://au.dryjuly.com/profile/nessharris. Please help me by donating what you can or sharing this link and helping me get the word out there.  I'm actually looking forward to having an alcohol-free month. It can't do any harm can it? :) 
Thanks for taking the time to read this and sorry for the sad sap parts... Peace out Rabbits and I'll post again sooner then last time! ;)


 

An overdue update....

I have come to realise since I have stopped posting and recording my food in my food diary I have dropped the ball a little. While I go to my strength sessions I have been skipping group and not doing my ICE at home. I have had many reasons for not going to group but aside from my work excuses none of them were really justified. 
I'm not proud of dropping the ball and I'm thankful that I havent seemed to have put anything on. After DRok asked me about my ICE on Tuesday I have been really thinking about things and have come to realise that I have let a negative attitude get the better of me.
A lot has been going on. We've left MP studio as DRok has decided to go out on his own and presently we are training at a studio which houses the old training company where I began training (just a different location).  It's closer to work and I am back doing the leg press (I did 170 kilos on Thursday :)) but I'm still getting used to not seeing Rach, Lukey and the MP crew. They are frienmily to me and I really enjoyed the atmosphere there. I do go back for the occasional boxing session though which I really enjoy. I am happy to be training at the same location as Satisha again (even though we never train at the same times) and it's nice to see the guys again (even though I have yet to see Sean..) It takes me awhile to enjoy a change in routine. DH has also decided to put in for a corps transfer. This means he will be going to Albury for 18 months. I have decided not to go with him and to try and get a relocation back home to be near family. While I have been blessed to have such wonderful friends and frienmily here in Brisbane, I have thought this through and have decided that being home near family is what would be best for me. I'm tired of always being alone (even though I know it is part of the lifestyle and I know that others have it harder then me) and I just want to go home. I feel it would also help with my mental health (which hasn't been too bad but recently I have been having minor meltdowns.) I haven't really said much about it until now as when I have sought advice and help I have been judged rather harshly and been attacked for my choices. So if you have issue with my decision I respect your right to an opinion but I would appreciate it if you kept it to yourself. It's not like I'm doing this without putting a  lot of thought into it and while I may come across as confident in everything I do have my worries. 
Anyway.... What else has happened in the last 3 months? Work has been good. I am really enjoying working with my group leader and my class are just awesome. I absolutely love them! My nutrition has been up and down but that's ok because I'm human. I achieved my first goal of my list of goals to achieve for this year! I ran the 8km Mother's Day Classic in 1:02. Granted I was 2 minutes over my goal time but I had to stop to go to the toilet so I'm taking 5 minutes off... :) I'm actually really proud of how I did. Within the  first 2 kilometres I was freaking out and seriously doubting myself. I was terrified that I was going to injure my ankle again and that I wasn't ready. When I hit the 2km mark I thought to myself 'You're a quarter of the way through this. You can run 10km in 79 minutes you can do this....' and it was like a fire had been lit under my butt.. Whenever I felt like giving up I said to myself  'come on Ness you can do this... you can do this Ness!' over and over... I did get a few odd looks (I was saying it out loud to myself) but to be honest I didnt care. In the last kilometre it had started to drizzle and in the last 50 metres a song that I first heard in Foot Locker in Waikiki came on my ipod and just like that I was back there on the only drizzly day during my trip. In my mind I wasn't running in Brisbane I was walking across the main street of Waikiki and I swear I could smell the beach and the beautiful smells I have come to associate with Hawaii... The song finished and the next thing I knew I was racing two older ladies to cross the finish line. And my ankle was fine!!! It was really awesome to cross that finish line and see the faces of Rach and DH standing amongst the crowd waiting for me... DH had even bought me a banana which had been injected with Dark Chocolate... What a way to finish a run!! :)
Training has been ok.. I'm feeling a little unorganised and out of sync with things which I think is one of the reasons I've dropped the ball. I feel like I'm not working towards anything specific at the moment as we are not doing a 12 week challenge. We took measurements the week before last but I have no idea what the differences are between that and the last lot of measurements.. I'm pretty sure there hasn't been any gains though which is the main thing :)
I don't know if I posted the goals here but I'm going to now so I can come back and see them... This is the original status I put up:

Complete the 10k run in the Twilight run in March (anyone want to join me??) in under 80 minutes
Complete the medium or short course of triathlon pink in April (I'm still undecided)
Complete the 8km Mothers day classic in under 60 minutes
Complete the City to Surf in August (I really am not fussed about my time.. Who would like to join me?)
Complete the 10km Bridge to Brisbane smashing last years time of 79 minutes.
Anyone want to join me in any of these let me know!!!
I would also like to say drop down to 20% body fat ( at least), be able to bench 60 kilos, get back on a leg press and do 220 kilos, deadlift some awesome weight and be able to do 5 chinups in a row....
 Obviously the first two were unachievable due to my ankle injury (which is doing really well! I have had a few hiccups but nothing too drastic). I'm going to start training for the city to surf this week. I want to focus on distance and then if I have time work on speed. I'm not too fussed on time just really want to cross that finish line in one piece :) My best friend Peta is running it with me and is currently running 4:25 minute kms... Don't think I'll be doing that pace lol!
I went home without DH for a quick weekend nearly a month ago. My cousin Lloyd finally married his beautiful other half Kat and it was an absolute joy to share their special day with them. I have never cried at a wedding (not even my own) until that day... It was absolutely beautiful. Cold but beautiful. Kat looked absolutely gorgeous and Lloyd couldnt have had a bigger smile if he tried. I also enjoyed catching up with family despite my brother J being a bit of a poohead and really hurting my feelings... But that's what brothers do I guess...
Next weekend we are going to Newcastle for our niece's christening. It will be nice to attend a family function with DH for a change, although there is no way he couldve missed this he is one of the god fathers... :) I'm really looking forward to spending time with my in laws, spending quality time with them especially my niece!!! She has grown so much since the last time we saw her and she is just soooooooooooooo adorable !DH and I just absolutely love her so much! I'm also looking forward to catching up with Sez. She's been so busy with work and her new house that we haven't really spoken in over a month. Yet another reason t add to the many for my decision to move back to Sydney. I'm packing my training gear and am hoping to get a decent run in while we are there. Here's hoping I dont get chased by evil poodles or scary birds... hahaha. 
I'm going to leave this here but I will post again soon.  Peace out rabbits! :)

Just another Manic Monday...

Still on the couch with this stupid ankle so haven't been doing much training wise which is absolutely killing me. I am trying to hard to stay positive and focused on the things I can do but some days I just can't do it. I'm starting to freak out about putting fat back on. I'm really concerned that I won't shed the 9 kilos of fat that I promised myself I would shed by the end of this 12 week challenge. Right now I'm sitting here about to cry because I'm just so disappointed in myself.
I've also noticed that I'm starting to fall back into the old routine that I had when I lived in Newcastle while DH was in Singleton. I'm not sleeping, I stay at home (which can't be helped due to my stupid ankle) and I spend waaaaaay too much time on the computer. I'm glad that I have noticed it now before it became a massive problem like last time.

On a good note though, I have been spending a lot of time just chilling with my furbabies. Today we all had an afternoon snooze at the same time. Puppy on her inside bed at the foot of the lounge and Kitty on top of the lounge near my head. It might seem weird to some people but I thought it was really sweet. I don't have human children of my own to love so I love my furbabies instead. God knows how they are going to cope when I go back to work though... I guess we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it. I also went and did a glamour photography session on Saturday. Angela and Jackie did such an amazing job, I can't believe that it's me in the sneak peek photos! It couldn't have been timed better either. Just when I was starting to feel gross and ugly I have been given this absolutely HUGE boost! Here's one of the two that have been put up:

A massive thank you to Angela from Grace Makeup and Jackie from Sullivan Portraits for this beautiful picture.
 

Can you believe that the woman in that picture is me??? I can't.. I keep thinking it's all a dream and that I'll wake up and see what I think I am... But when I pinch myself it hurts and I realise that I can be beautiful, I just need to open my eyes.

One of the only shows I watch on 'normal' TV came back yesterday evening and for once I can actually fully understand how the contestants feel. I'm talking about The Biggest Loser. I was absolutely shocked to see that a girl 10 years younger then me is only 10 kilos heavier... Talk about a wake up call! While I am perfectly aware that the scales don't account for much since they don't tell you how much is fat and how much is muscle, it still bothers me to be where I am especially after training so long and so hard. Another thing that bothers me is the reaction some people have to this show. When Brett got on the scales and was told that he was officially the biggest competitor, someone said "Shouldn't they just say you are officially the fattest fatty in Australia." I don't think I've ever been so disgusted in my life! I find it hard to get on the scales with only my trainer looking, they thought of doing it on NATIONAL TELEVISION makes me want to throw up with fear! I think it's brave and admirable to get up and do something like that no matter what your reasons for doing it are. I tell you what though I would totally do anything The Commando says (within reason lol) Tonight's episode was the first training session for everyone. I had a little bit of a giggle because it reminded me of my first session with DRok. While D wasn't a mean hard ass like Michelle, Shannan and the Commando, I do remember being made to go so hard on that stupid rowing machine I nearly threw up!  Seems I have come a long way since those days although I honestly don't feel like I've lost as much as I should've...
I have joined the shows site and have made a promise to myself. I plan on losing 10 kilos of fat by the end of June and I have promised not to give up on myself.  So no matter what life throws at me I am going to have faith in myself and my ability to achieve my goals.  Keep your fingers and toes crossed and watch this space!

Why hello there!

I'm still around but have ben so busy with training, work and just life that I haven't really had time to spare. And to be honest I have been rather unmotivated.
Right now I have been stuck on the lounge since Saturday night. I went for a run Saturday afternoon and wound up stacking it hardcore. Instead of doing the smart thing and going home I got up rotated my foot, walked it off and kept running. I ran 3k in 22 minutes but wound up getting home and finding out I'd stuffed my ankle. I went and saw a Dr on Monday and after ruling out fracture have concluded it's ligament sprain. It's been getting better but right now it's hurting like all hell. The dog has been so excited that DH returned home early from a bush exercise that she knocked and stood on my ankle/foot 3 times. I also did a bit of walking yesterday. Hopefully tomorrow the Dr gives me a clearance to go back to work next week!

Training has been so so... I kind of hit a wall at the beginning of the year after working my ass off and not getting the result that I thought I deserved. It was a little like the Hawaii goal all over again. I wound up having a chat with DRok and I think I have my groove back.... Being injured hasn't helped but I'm trying to stay positive and keep my nutrition up. I have noticed my belly shrinking a little too. 
So I'll post some progress pics. The first lot were taken on the 14h January in week 1 if the Transformation Challenge. The second lot were taken during week 6 on the 19th February 2 days before my birthday :)

 I don't know if you can really see the difference but I know I can... I stood side on and looked in the mirror just before hopping in the shower (something I don't really like to do as you can't hide the truth without a shirt and pants to hide under) and noticed my belly has shrunk.. I noticed some stretch marks on my tummy and before I let my mind go into that dark horrible place where I tell myself I look awful, I focused on how different I look compared to the last time I took photos (not that they will ever be posted here!) and how I'm starting to see the effort of all that hard work. I bought a tshirt from Soundwave two weekends ago and when I went into the toilets to put it on it was really tight... Since I'm feeling a little down about missing so much training I tried the t shirt on again and it fits rather nicely! 

On top of all this training news, DH and I were blessed with a gorgeous baby niece in January! She is an absolutely adorable little bub and we both love her very much. I have to say though, since she was born I've been VERY clucky. DH is probably thanking his lucky stars that I have so many goals (both life and health and fitness wise)  that I want to achieve before having babies. :)

I hope you all had an amazing start to the new year and look forward to hearing about your goals for 2013 and how you are going with achieving them... I'll post mine next time... I'm off to go wake my DH up and eat some dinner...  I'll leave you with this quote
 'No one has been defeated until defeat has been accepted as reality'- Bruce Lee

So keep working hard and stay positive! :)