Well it's been a hell of a ride since my last post.
I wrote down my meals for the last two days and I am shocked at how my meal frequency has dropped! Snap point. Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to make the change I need.
Right now I am in shock at how far I have let myself slide and all I can say to myself is "What the f**k?"
I haven't gained too much weight. My clothes still fit but I don't feel as good as I used to. These days I feel flabby and to be honest I am unmotivated. What happened to the girl who woke up at 5am and had no problem dragging her butt out of bed to go for a run on 5 hours sleep? I haven't been for a run since Sydney. when I ask myself why I just keep coming up with excuses like "I need my sleep" "I don't have time" "It's too dark". In the end though, are those excuses REALLY going to get me closer to my goals?
So what's my game plan?
I HAVE to stick to the timetable I made up in my last post. To make sure it doesn't slip from my mind, I am going to write it up on my calender (which I am putting up as soon as I finish this) and stick to it. This long weekend I am going to get the house organised to where I want it to be so that the only thing I have to do is maintain it. I find housework is one of my BIG excuses for letting my training slide. I am going to utilise my meal planner and plan my meals for the week ahead. I am going to turn the TV and laptop off half an hour before bed so that I can organise my liquid and solid meals for the next day.
My time management needs to come together so I am going to schedule as much as I can. Work, training, study, housework and REST time. Thank goodness it's a long weekend! I'm going to need a chunk of time to organise all of this!
I am going to try and get measurements and some progress photos to start this off too.
Training wise. I have been doing my FIRE sessions which is good. I have been working on my form and really enjoying doing my Upper body sessions again. I would love to have a training buddy to spot me for the upper body though, as I find I freak out when I go to bench heavy on my own. In the gym where I train there is nothing for me to drop the barbell on if I can't lift it back up which freaks me out. If someone is spotting me I would feel more confident. But that's a bridge I will cross when I get to it. For now I am doing well training solo. I have started using the leg press again which I absolutely LOVE! I am focusing on stretching more so that my flexibility is back up and that I can lift heavier. I am looking at breaking my leg press record that I set during my last session with DRok... It was 261 for 6/6. Today I did 140 with 2 sets of 12 which I am really pleased with. :)
Mentally, I have been in a weird headspace... I have had a few issues with people and even ended a very close friendship. My biggest regret was being spiteful after the argument. But what is done is done and I have left it as a closed chapter where it belongs. Sometimes you have to go through hurtful and terrible situations to get through to the bright side... The rainbow always comes after the rain doesn't it? I have been trying really hard to remind myself of that but today it just didn't work for me... My mind went a little dark for a moment so I forced myself to go to the gym rather than go home and wallow. For now it seems to have worked..
I best be off to get started in this new game plan! I will update again this week with my progress :)
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
My promise to myself
It has been 6 months since I stopped training with Lukey and started training on my own.... To be honest I am disappointed in myself. My dedication has dropped. My 'obsession' with getting my nutrition right has gone waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out the window... My running progress is um stalled.
I am very lucky. I haven't put on too much weight. But if I keep going, I will be back at square one before I know it and I'll be damned if that's going to happen!
SO.... Where to from here? Well I need to sort my shit out. I need to pack my gym gear in my work bag and go either before or after work. I need to get back on the wagon and stick to my nutrition rules. I need to manage my time better so that I CAN get my study done, my housework, my downtime and my Intense Cardio. I have 5 months until City2Surf and I really have to start pulling my finger out and get back into training. None of my personal records were broken by sitting on my big arse watching Adventure Time.
I promise myself that I will get to where I was 6 months ago. I promise to always keep going no matter what. I promise to always get up when I have been knocked onto my arse. There is too much for me to lose by laying down and giving up.
HOW am I going to do this? Well I have a 4 week rotation roster. The weeks I finish early I will go to the gym Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Friday and Sunday are running days. The week I start late I will go to the gym Monday, Wednesday and Thursday with running in the morning on Tuesday and Friday. Saturday will be a class or a different ICE session. Mondays are leg day. Wednesday Upper Body. Thursday will be Cardio with cross trainer, rower and bike.
Other factors I need to consider.... Sleep. Time to walk my dog. Household chores. Down time. Food prep.
I will figure this all out as I go along. I do know that I need one day where I just chill and don't HAVE to do anything. If I don't I eventually feel burned out and I won't keep going.
Better hit the sack... I have been rather ill the last week and need my sleep.... Night peeps! :)
I am very lucky. I haven't put on too much weight. But if I keep going, I will be back at square one before I know it and I'll be damned if that's going to happen!
SO.... Where to from here? Well I need to sort my shit out. I need to pack my gym gear in my work bag and go either before or after work. I need to get back on the wagon and stick to my nutrition rules. I need to manage my time better so that I CAN get my study done, my housework, my downtime and my Intense Cardio. I have 5 months until City2Surf and I really have to start pulling my finger out and get back into training. None of my personal records were broken by sitting on my big arse watching Adventure Time.
I promise myself that I will get to where I was 6 months ago. I promise to always keep going no matter what. I promise to always get up when I have been knocked onto my arse. There is too much for me to lose by laying down and giving up.
HOW am I going to do this? Well I have a 4 week rotation roster. The weeks I finish early I will go to the gym Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. Friday and Sunday are running days. The week I start late I will go to the gym Monday, Wednesday and Thursday with running in the morning on Tuesday and Friday. Saturday will be a class or a different ICE session. Mondays are leg day. Wednesday Upper Body. Thursday will be Cardio with cross trainer, rower and bike.
Other factors I need to consider.... Sleep. Time to walk my dog. Household chores. Down time. Food prep.
I will figure this all out as I go along. I do know that I need one day where I just chill and don't HAVE to do anything. If I don't I eventually feel burned out and I won't keep going.
Better hit the sack... I have been rather ill the last week and need my sleep.... Night peeps! :)
Monday, March 2, 2015
You've come a long way babe....
I'm still here! Just plodding along getting myself together and trying to get back on track.
I am doing a lot better since my last entry. I still feel sad about everything and the few things that have happened since but I am so blessed to have been sent so many rainbows to chase away the dark clouds.
I have been keeping in touch with a lot of the paternal side of my family and I am working on my relationships with relatives I wasn't so close to beforehand. I have been in regular contact with my Uncle (who I saw for the first time since I was a little girl the day before Nana's funeral) and my Aunties as well as my brother and biological father. I have learned so much about the other side of my family and it's been really good to discover the other half of my heritage.
Work is going well. I have a very interesting and challenging class that keep me on my toes! I am happy with the other educators in my room (who I love and am very close to). We have our moments but the best part of a journey is the bumps in the road. It gives me the chance to grow and learn. Tomorrow we have parent-educator information night for my class and I am sweating bullets about getting up in front of people and talking. I have a fair idea of what I want to say, I just hope that I can say it eloquently and not nearly break my ankles as I tend to do when public speaking.... Send some good vibes my way please!
I had my birthday the other week. I honestly planned on staying home alone and moping but that was not the case. My frienmily threw me a surprise birthday bbq on the Friday as C couldn't be there Saturday and on my birthday we had a family bbq again. I was showered with so many lovely well wishes, videos,cards, calls and messages. My father even skyped me. The best was talking to my Mum and Dad though. They always bring out the big rainbows. I was very spoiled too. My brother R bought me two very beautiful Pandora beads for the bracelet he, Mum and Dad gave me a few years ago. My brother J sent me an awesome card that was so me, my father and step mother gaveme a beautiful soft bathrobe in my favourite colour, Mum and Dad gave me an away Panthers jersey (the last pink one ever!!!!) and my wifey and lady love gave me a QUEENSLAND PANTHERS MEMBERSHIP!!!! I could go on and on about my birthday, but I won't. Suffice it to say that I am so truly grateful to have such wonderful and beautiful people in my life!
Training is going ok. I really need to knuckle down with planning and nutrition! That is my goal for the next 12 weeks as well as getting back on track with my Intense Cardio. The fat won't melt away just lifting weights!
Over the last week I have been reflecting on how far I have come with the way I deal with my anxiety and depression. A few years ago I can guarantee you that there is no way I would have dealt with everything life has thrown at me that way I have and I certainly wouldn't be how I am now. I have my dark moments. But instead of clinging to them and allowing them to drag me down, these days I keep on going and look ahead for the rainbow. I have finally found a way to turn on the light! I have a few friends at the moment who aren't doing so well and I remember what I was like when I was in the stage they are in now. If you are reading this (you know who you are) just keep on going. While there might be a million reasons for you to be sad there are a million and one for you to smile. I am one of them. Keep holding on and remember there are so many people who love you and you give them a reason to smile. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
For all the wonderful people who have been the glue that held me together, the bearers of rainbows, the light in the dark, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you for never giving up on me, for giving me a hand up whenever I fell, for making me laugh when I wanted to cry. Thank you for helping me heal. thank you for loving me enough to never give up on me. I love you!!! xxx
Anyway I best be off. I need an early night and would like to spend some time with my furbabies while watching Adventure Time to wind down. Until next time :)
I am doing a lot better since my last entry. I still feel sad about everything and the few things that have happened since but I am so blessed to have been sent so many rainbows to chase away the dark clouds.
I have been keeping in touch with a lot of the paternal side of my family and I am working on my relationships with relatives I wasn't so close to beforehand. I have been in regular contact with my Uncle (who I saw for the first time since I was a little girl the day before Nana's funeral) and my Aunties as well as my brother and biological father. I have learned so much about the other side of my family and it's been really good to discover the other half of my heritage.
Work is going well. I have a very interesting and challenging class that keep me on my toes! I am happy with the other educators in my room (who I love and am very close to). We have our moments but the best part of a journey is the bumps in the road. It gives me the chance to grow and learn. Tomorrow we have parent-educator information night for my class and I am sweating bullets about getting up in front of people and talking. I have a fair idea of what I want to say, I just hope that I can say it eloquently and not nearly break my ankles as I tend to do when public speaking.... Send some good vibes my way please!
I had my birthday the other week. I honestly planned on staying home alone and moping but that was not the case. My frienmily threw me a surprise birthday bbq on the Friday as C couldn't be there Saturday and on my birthday we had a family bbq again. I was showered with so many lovely well wishes, videos,cards, calls and messages. My father even skyped me. The best was talking to my Mum and Dad though. They always bring out the big rainbows. I was very spoiled too. My brother R bought me two very beautiful Pandora beads for the bracelet he, Mum and Dad gave me a few years ago. My brother J sent me an awesome card that was so me, my father and step mother gaveme a beautiful soft bathrobe in my favourite colour, Mum and Dad gave me an away Panthers jersey (the last pink one ever!!!!) and my wifey and lady love gave me a QUEENSLAND PANTHERS MEMBERSHIP!!!! I could go on and on about my birthday, but I won't. Suffice it to say that I am so truly grateful to have such wonderful and beautiful people in my life!
Training is going ok. I really need to knuckle down with planning and nutrition! That is my goal for the next 12 weeks as well as getting back on track with my Intense Cardio. The fat won't melt away just lifting weights!
Over the last week I have been reflecting on how far I have come with the way I deal with my anxiety and depression. A few years ago I can guarantee you that there is no way I would have dealt with everything life has thrown at me that way I have and I certainly wouldn't be how I am now. I have my dark moments. But instead of clinging to them and allowing them to drag me down, these days I keep on going and look ahead for the rainbow. I have finally found a way to turn on the light! I have a few friends at the moment who aren't doing so well and I remember what I was like when I was in the stage they are in now. If you are reading this (you know who you are) just keep on going. While there might be a million reasons for you to be sad there are a million and one for you to smile. I am one of them. Keep holding on and remember there are so many people who love you and you give them a reason to smile. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
For all the wonderful people who have been the glue that held me together, the bearers of rainbows, the light in the dark, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you for never giving up on me, for giving me a hand up whenever I fell, for making me laugh when I wanted to cry. Thank you for helping me heal. thank you for loving me enough to never give up on me. I love you!!! xxx
Anyway I best be off. I need an early night and would like to spend some time with my furbabies while watching Adventure Time to wind down. Until next time :)
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