Thursday, February 16, 2012
There's no place like home.....
I wound up getting to bed at 1am after spending half an hour trying to find my combination lock for my suitcase (which I had no luck finding..)
Got 3 hours of sleep before I had to get up and get ready to go to the airport. I had an awesome flight, I crashed out for the take off and woke up as soon as we had got over the clouds... It was rather amusing to wake up with my MP manual on my lap open where I had left it. Got a fair bit of reading done despite the weird guy sitting next to me trying to talk to me. Thank goodness for my iPod and Marilyn Manson...
The view was beautiful and I got some nice shots on my iPod but unfortunately none of the bridge or the opera house... I think we had come in from a different route.
It may sound really strange but it was such a wonderful feeling to walk out of the airport with my bags and hear horns beeping and shouts of road rage.... There's no place like home lol.
Mum came and picked me up from the public pickup and we went to the gym to have a quick coffee with the girls before I went and got my hair done by the amazing and talented Nat at Nats hair in Penrith.... I won't let anyone else touch my hair.... She is amazing and I always leave feeling absolutely gorgeous.... I also feel at ease and quite comfortable. There's is no other hairdresser in the universe that I would trust enough to just say do what you think looks good.... So yeah if you are lucky enough to live in the area or are willing to travel, Nat is the best EVER!!!
So I think I jinxed myself... My trainer asked how my legs were feeling after yesterday's session and I bragged that they were awesome.... But then I got home to mums house with 2 sets of stairs... Needless to say I am now sore and laying on the lounge hanging out with my parents... They're watching one of the star trek series and I'm just enjoying being home. My other brother Jay is here although god knows what he's doing.. He missed out on an awesome dinner though!!
Tomorrow is my mums 50th birthday. I can't believe she's 50. She doesn't look it. I have got her a lotto pack and am saving u to he her something amazing from America which is what she wants... She just doesnt know how much I want to spend. Hee hee....
Any way I'm off I'm going to talk to my family...I'm going to get me some beauty sleep too... We're off to the QVB to have high tea.... Night x
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
I see a bad ass mother, who dont take no crap from nobody!
So once again I'm at my computer desk but this time I'm not about to cry... I am laughing my ass off and my legs have turned to mild jelly...
So why am I laughing? Well, apart from the fact that I am excited out of my skin to be going home to my family tomorrow, I had an amazing session with my awesome trainer... (If he is reading this dont let your head swell up now :P)
I had had a bit of a crazy day after little sleep thanks to my ever so loving husband waking me up at 12:35 last night wearing a serial killer clown mask, playing some psycho crazy music on his iphone and holding it like it was a knife.. Since reading the novel It I have never had a fondness for clowns.. I am terrified of them . So it's not big surprise that I screamed my ass of and had a meltdown. I wound up in my spare room baricaded the doors, shut the blinds and slept with one eye open. If you cant half tell I'm still traumatised. My mother in law shall pay for buying him that mask in the first place. But that is another story for another time... Back to it, crazy day and I was very angry and upset after finding out that one of my dear friends was actually a backstabbing snake. So I wound up at my session a very angry little vegemite. Now when it comes to sessions I have discovered that sometimes you need ot be in the right mind space to get the most out of the workout... I usually just go fuck it and do it anyway. Well today I dont know how or why it happened but my anger worked for me.
I smashed the boxing pads so hard one of the other ladies commented on my punch and my trainer told me "That's how you should be punching". Lesson here? Dont seriously scare the shit out of me then piss me off. Todays sessions was focused on legs so I did the leg press with two and single legs and squats with weights... Seriously my left leg was screaming "Dont go so low you bitch you're hurting me" and my brain was like " Core on, abs crunched, bum out, weight on heels and dont forget to keep the chest up... Why not go even lower?" so of course the brain won. (It doesnt help that D-Rok was standing there going challenge the depth! Yes I do listen I just pretend I dont :P) According to D-Rok (I'm tired of saying my trainer) this was the best squats session I had done EVER!!! So thanks DH for scaring the shit out of me. Even though you'll be paying the psych bills I got something out of it! and thanks to the bitch, if it was for your two faced backstabbing, I wouldnt have had the anger there to fuel my session.. even though it wasnt worth bothering about I am glad I got something out of it that was to MY benefit and not yours.....
I would have to say that one of the best parts of my session was while I was having a rest between squat reps... One of the other trainers said something that really lifted my spirits. I cant remember it word for word but it was along the lines of this " You're looking really good. ***** and I were just talking and it looks like you've dropped alot of body fat" Ok so it probably sounds not nice but I cant remember it word for word and he was being very NICE!! (I dont think any of the guys have a mean streak through them at all...) He then commented on how I looked really good in the shirt I was wearing.. So yeah, my head did swell a little (who am I kidding it blew up to globe proportions.. Thanks dude!;)) but you know what? It meant alot coming from someone who knows the stuff inside out.... Now when I look in the mirror (to quote cool runnings) 'I see pride, I see power, I see a bad ass mother who dont take no crap from NOBODY!!!!'
Anyway I best be off. I have to put Revenge on a disc for my Mum and Dad and also pack. Then there's the fact that I need to sleep considering I have to be out by 5am...
Night all have an amazing weekend! x
So why am I laughing? Well, apart from the fact that I am excited out of my skin to be going home to my family tomorrow, I had an amazing session with my awesome trainer... (If he is reading this dont let your head swell up now :P)
I had had a bit of a crazy day after little sleep thanks to my ever so loving husband waking me up at 12:35 last night wearing a serial killer clown mask, playing some psycho crazy music on his iphone and holding it like it was a knife.. Since reading the novel It I have never had a fondness for clowns.. I am terrified of them . So it's not big surprise that I screamed my ass of and had a meltdown. I wound up in my spare room baricaded the doors, shut the blinds and slept with one eye open. If you cant half tell I'm still traumatised. My mother in law shall pay for buying him that mask in the first place. But that is another story for another time... Back to it, crazy day and I was very angry and upset after finding out that one of my dear friends was actually a backstabbing snake. So I wound up at my session a very angry little vegemite. Now when it comes to sessions I have discovered that sometimes you need ot be in the right mind space to get the most out of the workout... I usually just go fuck it and do it anyway. Well today I dont know how or why it happened but my anger worked for me.
I smashed the boxing pads so hard one of the other ladies commented on my punch and my trainer told me "That's how you should be punching". Lesson here? Dont seriously scare the shit out of me then piss me off. Todays sessions was focused on legs so I did the leg press with two and single legs and squats with weights... Seriously my left leg was screaming "Dont go so low you bitch you're hurting me" and my brain was like " Core on, abs crunched, bum out, weight on heels and dont forget to keep the chest up... Why not go even lower?" so of course the brain won. (It doesnt help that D-Rok was standing there going challenge the depth! Yes I do listen I just pretend I dont :P) According to D-Rok (I'm tired of saying my trainer) this was the best squats session I had done EVER!!! So thanks DH for scaring the shit out of me. Even though you'll be paying the psych bills I got something out of it! and thanks to the bitch, if it was for your two faced backstabbing, I wouldnt have had the anger there to fuel my session.. even though it wasnt worth bothering about I am glad I got something out of it that was to MY benefit and not yours.....
I would have to say that one of the best parts of my session was while I was having a rest between squat reps... One of the other trainers said something that really lifted my spirits. I cant remember it word for word but it was along the lines of this " You're looking really good. ***** and I were just talking and it looks like you've dropped alot of body fat" Ok so it probably sounds not nice but I cant remember it word for word and he was being very NICE!! (I dont think any of the guys have a mean streak through them at all...) He then commented on how I looked really good in the shirt I was wearing.. So yeah, my head did swell a little (who am I kidding it blew up to globe proportions.. Thanks dude!;)) but you know what? It meant alot coming from someone who knows the stuff inside out.... Now when I look in the mirror (to quote cool runnings) 'I see pride, I see power, I see a bad ass mother who dont take no crap from NOBODY!!!!'
Anyway I best be off. I have to put Revenge on a disc for my Mum and Dad and also pack. Then there's the fact that I need to sleep considering I have to be out by 5am...
Night all have an amazing weekend! x
Monday, February 13, 2012
The voice in your head is a liar!!!!
So I'm sitting here at my computer desk just chilling when I am overwhelmed by the sudden desire to cry. I
am thinking about tonights upper body weights session and what springs
to mind is me telling my trainer "I can't do this" and the little voice
inside my head telling me "You cant do this, you're going to drop the
weight on your face in a minute..." The funny thing is the voice in my
head was wrong. Just as I was about to give in my trainer gave me the
'Dont you dare give up' look and said "You can." And I did it. Not only
did I do the set, I did it twice.
So why am I going to cry?
Well, going through the gym motivation pages on facebook I find all these quotes and pictures and I find myself feeling inspired and philosophical... I am also damn proud of the fact that I kept going when I really thought I couldnt.. It's not like I'm lifting massively huge weights but for someone whose Doctors and specialists said 12 months ago "You can't lift anything heavier then 5 kilos for the rest of your life and you'll have to leave your profession" I'm lifting a shitload more then what they said I ever would.
I think back to 12 months ago and I remember sitting on my lounge watching whatever shows I had feeling sorry for myself. I thought I'd never be able to walk my dog or even run again and to be honest it made me feel like shit... Then there was the weight gain. My weight has been an issue for a majority of my life,... As a kid I was called 'podge' even though it wasnt in a nasty way it still made me feel fat. I wasnt fat but I wasnt skinny until I hit my late teens... I met a guy who I followed down a not so good path and dropped down to 45 kilos... Which is underweight for anyone thats 5'7"... This is what I looked like at the age of 23 at 45 kilos...
Gross huh?? You know the scary thing??? I got even thinner.. I dropped down to 40 kilos...... 9 months after this photo was taken my Nana died and I had had a rather violent end to that relationship with that guy... 7 years later I still have no clue how I managed to survive off only v, cigarettes and alcohol. I do however know that if it wasnt for my good friends Mary Anne and Mick threatening to tell my Mum to put me in hospital I probably wouldve died. Sounds a little extreme but to give you an idea I could probably measure the gaps between my ribs I got that thin. So I started eating got to a healthy weight and then caught cartilidge in my knee cap. Tore something calle a miniscous or however it's spelt and had to have an arthroscopy. And thats when the weight started to creep back on.
At 25 I was a size 10 and started working in a customer managers position at a major company store in Hornsby. I met my husband there and BOOM add on more kilos.... Most people believe a happy marriage is a great thing... Dont get me wrong it is, but it is also hazardous for your waistline!!!!
Since my wedding until my injury I put on about 15 kilos... So 3 years of marriage equals 15 kilos! LOL Then I had a disc in my neck pop out and is now in a position that if I dont do the right things it'll squash a nerve. I was so afraid to move I stacked on another 20 kilos.. Not so skinny now!
I spent over a year feeling sorry for myself before I decided to actually do something. I wound up winning an auction and getting sessions with my current trainer and havent looked back. I havent lost much body fat wise or even digits on the scale wise... But I have lost 34.5 cms all over and have dropped a few dress sizes too. I still have a long way to go (25 kilos to be exact) but I will get there.
So back to my question why do I want to cry (Sorry I got a little sidetracked lol)
Because I wanted to give up over something so simple when I have faced bigger, harder and even scarier obstacles.. I have been to hell, faced the devil and even though I bear alot of scars inside and out, I survived and live to play another day. To put it simply, even though I am not happy with the way I look or feel I'm damn proud of how far I have come in such a short time and how far I have to go. Why aim for the sky when there are footprints on the moon?
I'm going to leave you with a photo or two taken from my first measurements in October last year and from the last lot of measurements just after I began the MP Challenge in January..
Front Back and Side taken in October 2011... God knows why I'm smiling I had just had my first experience with the calipers and it really sucked ass!!!
Front back and side taken January 20th 2012.... Still along way to go but little bit by little bit it's going :)
So why am I going to cry?
Well, going through the gym motivation pages on facebook I find all these quotes and pictures and I find myself feeling inspired and philosophical... I am also damn proud of the fact that I kept going when I really thought I couldnt.. It's not like I'm lifting massively huge weights but for someone whose Doctors and specialists said 12 months ago "You can't lift anything heavier then 5 kilos for the rest of your life and you'll have to leave your profession" I'm lifting a shitload more then what they said I ever would.
I think back to 12 months ago and I remember sitting on my lounge watching whatever shows I had feeling sorry for myself. I thought I'd never be able to walk my dog or even run again and to be honest it made me feel like shit... Then there was the weight gain. My weight has been an issue for a majority of my life,... As a kid I was called 'podge' even though it wasnt in a nasty way it still made me feel fat. I wasnt fat but I wasnt skinny until I hit my late teens... I met a guy who I followed down a not so good path and dropped down to 45 kilos... Which is underweight for anyone thats 5'7"... This is what I looked like at the age of 23 at 45 kilos...
At 25 I was a size 10 and started working in a customer managers position at a major company store in Hornsby. I met my husband there and BOOM add on more kilos.... Most people believe a happy marriage is a great thing... Dont get me wrong it is, but it is also hazardous for your waistline!!!!
Since my wedding until my injury I put on about 15 kilos... So 3 years of marriage equals 15 kilos! LOL Then I had a disc in my neck pop out and is now in a position that if I dont do the right things it'll squash a nerve. I was so afraid to move I stacked on another 20 kilos.. Not so skinny now!
I spent over a year feeling sorry for myself before I decided to actually do something. I wound up winning an auction and getting sessions with my current trainer and havent looked back. I havent lost much body fat wise or even digits on the scale wise... But I have lost 34.5 cms all over and have dropped a few dress sizes too. I still have a long way to go (25 kilos to be exact) but I will get there.
So back to my question why do I want to cry (Sorry I got a little sidetracked lol)
Because I wanted to give up over something so simple when I have faced bigger, harder and even scarier obstacles.. I have been to hell, faced the devil and even though I bear alot of scars inside and out, I survived and live to play another day. To put it simply, even though I am not happy with the way I look or feel I'm damn proud of how far I have come in such a short time and how far I have to go. Why aim for the sky when there are footprints on the moon?
I'm going to leave you with a photo or two taken from my first measurements in October last year and from the last lot of measurements just after I began the MP Challenge in January..
Front Back and Side taken in October 2011... God knows why I'm smiling I had just had my first experience with the calipers and it really sucked ass!!!
Front back and side taken January 20th 2012.... Still along way to go but little bit by little bit it's going :)
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Happy New Year and stuff
I know I know, I have been extremely slack... Suffice to say that life has been rather busy and to be honest I haven't really had much to write about...
Christmas was amazing. I got to have my husband home and we went to Sydney... I had an absolute blast hanging with my awesome family and chilling with my not so little bro... My darling heart is now taller then me and is being a typical teenage boy... BOO!!!!! Being home made me feel centered and very content.. It shattered me to leave them even though I am very happy with my life here in Brissy.
So what's been happening in Brissy??? I've been busy working and training.. Training is going really well (I think) and I have managed to lose 34.5 cm in total since starting in Oct. While I'm still not happy with my reflection in the mirror at least these days I'm not as disgusted as I used to be... I have a very long way to go and alot of self esteem to rebuild... Only problem is everytime I get some sort of pride in myself someone comes along and shatters it into a million pieces... I know I shouldnt let them bother me but never in my whole life have I been made to feel so horrible by both strangers and people who I am close to.... (Actually I lie, a 6 1/2 year violent relationship made me feel worse but you get what I mean... Back then I was 45 kilos and absolutely gorgeous. I wore a size 6-8 and could stroll down the beach in my roxy bikini... But that's another story for another time...)
On a more positive note last weekend I went to DFO with my parents... In Forever
New they had this dress that I saw in the window of the Chermside store when I first started training and vowed to make it into a size 10. Well.... I have gone from not being able to fit into their dresses to not being able to zip up the top of a size 12 because my boobs are too big. First time in my life this have EVER happened! It probably doesnt seem like a big deal but to me it means alot. I nearly cried my eyes out in the dressing room from the pride and happiness I had.. Seems kinda silly, most girls usually cry out of sadness when they can't do the zip up to the top but I have made ALOT of changes and have tried really hard... I am now doing stuff I never EVER pictured myself doing after doing my stupid neck injury... Just goes to show that with faith, persistance and determination you CAN prove the Doctor wrong... Even a highly paid Surgeon...
My '25'th (thats my story and I'm sticking to it) is approaching rather quickly. I'm so excited as I'm heading home 5 days before to help celebrate my Mum's 50th. It's a pretty big deal as the whole family will be there and I will get to meet my Granddads future wife. So it's all very exciting. I'll also have both my babies there. I cant believe they are both 15 now... Mini me has a job and while she isnt looking so much like me as she used to she's a smart ass just like me :D Might have to look into investing in a shotgun soon.. The first girl R brings home I pity... As it's me she's going to have to worry about LOL and as for mini me.... Her poor first BF.. Not only is he going to have to worry about me, he'll have J on his case too LOL. I can understand why parents see their children as their babies no matter how old they are.
Anyway back to my birthday weekend home... I fly home on the Thursday morning and will be spending the day with Mum.. Hopefully will be getting my hair coloured and cut too. Friday is Mum's birthday so we're going to high tea in the city somewhere with Mum's friends. I'm looking forward to it as they are like family and I really enjoy their company. (Does this make me a weirdo because I love being around my mum and her friends??) Saturday will see us at the Harry Potter Exhibition (legen.............. wait for it...................... dary!) and Mum's birthday party that night. I have no idea what else is happening but I will be flying back on the Monday night as my birthday will be a very big day for me. I'm also going to be having a session that evening (depending on the events of the day).. Then back to work and life until June for a weekend home and then my trip to HAWAII!!! I'm rather excited about spending my first overseas trip in such a beautiful place and celebrating July 4th there...
Well I'm off before I go onto a whole new tangent... Note to self... Next time dont blog on little sleep...
I am going to resolve to blog everyday or if not at least once or twice a week.... Ciao for now!
Christmas was amazing. I got to have my husband home and we went to Sydney... I had an absolute blast hanging with my awesome family and chilling with my not so little bro... My darling heart is now taller then me and is being a typical teenage boy... BOO!!!!! Being home made me feel centered and very content.. It shattered me to leave them even though I am very happy with my life here in Brissy.
So what's been happening in Brissy??? I've been busy working and training.. Training is going really well (I think) and I have managed to lose 34.5 cm in total since starting in Oct. While I'm still not happy with my reflection in the mirror at least these days I'm not as disgusted as I used to be... I have a very long way to go and alot of self esteem to rebuild... Only problem is everytime I get some sort of pride in myself someone comes along and shatters it into a million pieces... I know I shouldnt let them bother me but never in my whole life have I been made to feel so horrible by both strangers and people who I am close to.... (Actually I lie, a 6 1/2 year violent relationship made me feel worse but you get what I mean... Back then I was 45 kilos and absolutely gorgeous. I wore a size 6-8 and could stroll down the beach in my roxy bikini... But that's another story for another time...)
On a more positive note last weekend I went to DFO with my parents... In Forever
New they had this dress that I saw in the window of the Chermside store when I first started training and vowed to make it into a size 10. Well.... I have gone from not being able to fit into their dresses to not being able to zip up the top of a size 12 because my boobs are too big. First time in my life this have EVER happened! It probably doesnt seem like a big deal but to me it means alot. I nearly cried my eyes out in the dressing room from the pride and happiness I had.. Seems kinda silly, most girls usually cry out of sadness when they can't do the zip up to the top but I have made ALOT of changes and have tried really hard... I am now doing stuff I never EVER pictured myself doing after doing my stupid neck injury... Just goes to show that with faith, persistance and determination you CAN prove the Doctor wrong... Even a highly paid Surgeon...
My '25'th (thats my story and I'm sticking to it) is approaching rather quickly. I'm so excited as I'm heading home 5 days before to help celebrate my Mum's 50th. It's a pretty big deal as the whole family will be there and I will get to meet my Granddads future wife. So it's all very exciting. I'll also have both my babies there. I cant believe they are both 15 now... Mini me has a job and while she isnt looking so much like me as she used to she's a smart ass just like me :D Might have to look into investing in a shotgun soon.. The first girl R brings home I pity... As it's me she's going to have to worry about LOL and as for mini me.... Her poor first BF.. Not only is he going to have to worry about me, he'll have J on his case too LOL. I can understand why parents see their children as their babies no matter how old they are.
Anyway back to my birthday weekend home... I fly home on the Thursday morning and will be spending the day with Mum.. Hopefully will be getting my hair coloured and cut too. Friday is Mum's birthday so we're going to high tea in the city somewhere with Mum's friends. I'm looking forward to it as they are like family and I really enjoy their company. (Does this make me a weirdo because I love being around my mum and her friends??) Saturday will see us at the Harry Potter Exhibition (legen.............. wait for it...................... dary!) and Mum's birthday party that night. I have no idea what else is happening but I will be flying back on the Monday night as my birthday will be a very big day for me. I'm also going to be having a session that evening (depending on the events of the day).. Then back to work and life until June for a weekend home and then my trip to HAWAII!!! I'm rather excited about spending my first overseas trip in such a beautiful place and celebrating July 4th there...
Well I'm off before I go onto a whole new tangent... Note to self... Next time dont blog on little sleep...
I am going to resolve to blog everyday or if not at least once or twice a week.... Ciao for now!
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