A moment of craziness

Every now and again I hit a bump which sends me flying into crazytown.
Tonight has been one of those nights... It all started with me cracking it over getting more protein. I have been trying to get protein through the new setup on Facebook and it just hasn't been working. So my trainer gave me another option which is simple but I have cracked it because noone will give me a 100% guarantee that it will arrive by next Friday (which is totally understandable to a normal reasonable person but cranky Ness wants a GUARANTEE especially after the stuff around last time) So I look online to see if there is anyway I can get the protein I get from a store that isnt online.. Of course I cant which makes me even grumpier. So I go onto one of the defence partners fitness groups on Facebook to see if I can get what I want from the site all the ladies on there go to.. I scrolled through months and months of posts of ladies who have made amazing progress in such short time, one lady can do 325 kilos on the leg press, and they all look absolutely AWESOME!!! Definately doesnt help the grumpy mood or my self esteem.. Then the voice starts going on.. "You've worked your f**king ass off, you have been so good and strict with your nutrition, you have pushed your body through so much pain and for what? A little bit of shrinkage that isnt even that amazing... These girls look absolutely fabulous and havent trained as long as you... AND they are still having high energy carbs!" and the next thing I know I am thinking about just giving all my training up (which is hilarious given my previous post  and the fact that I'd probably die of training withdrawals) and crying my eyes out. Please keep in mind that this is only ONE of the stresses that has contributed to me being in such a crazy emotional state. I am pretty sure that I'm starting to get sick (although my body is fighting hard)  my nose is runny (although that may be from the crying) my face is burning and my throat is a little bit sore, I'm freaking out about the Dexa scan,  I am worried about my training and how I have not been able to smash it the last two sessions,I'm absolutely terrified of not meeting my new goal in the two year time limit,  (dont laugh at this one) running out of protein because I just freak out when I run out, a few things at work, Mum2 and pixie (cause I am worried about what this is doing to mum2 and I love Pixie dearly), not being able to sleep properly once DH leaves going away again and just being overwhelmed from all the extra housework I have to do now DH is home... Then on top of that I have three assessments due in the beginning of Sept to finish my cert 3 in Children's Services which I am freaking otu about failing. If I dont mean the deadline I'M SERIOUSLY F**KED!!!
*deep breath out*
In the hour and a half I have been locked in my computer room I have cried three times. I am thinking of going to bed and sleeping so I can see if I feel better in the morning. I feel like a bit of a raving loony right now but frankly my dear I dont give a damn. Noone is perfect and everyone has their loony moments. I'm just extremely open with mine.
I'm going to go order my protein the way my trainer told me to because it's just the easier option. If I dont get it by next Friday I will go steal a car and cut the heads off the people who have caused the delay. (I really like my protein lol) I have enough protein from Hawaii to see me through a couple of days and I can always pick up some temporary stuff from the same store here... 
Night all keep on carrying on 
Oh and I'll end this on a happy note!!

Big congratulations to Kand C on the birth of their very beautiful baby girl!!! I'm so happy for you both and couldn't think of two people who truly deserve to have their biggest dream fulfilled... 
And a massive congratulations to my brother from another mother B on his engagement to his lovely lady... It's such a pleasure to see and hear how happy finding the love of your life has made you. I can't wait to see you and meet your fiancee!!!

New goals

So I've been thinking really hard about my new goal.  To be 100% honest, I'm a little frightened of how high I'm aiming. It's a massive change and will require A LOT of work.. I wasn't going to post the picture up here but I figure what have I really got to lose? I've already publicly missed a goal and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Ok so I feel like a massive idiot and am a little worried that people were laughing or talking behind my back but you know what? If they were they obviously arent people whose opinions would really matter to me anyway. So here goes:

I got this picture from one of the many fitness pages I like on Facebook. While I'm not sure about being as muscly as this I do want something along the lines of this. It's going to be frikking AWESOME to look in the mirror and see my dream instead of what I see now. I've given myself a longer period of time to work on this as it is going to be a massive change. I'm a little frightened of the reaction I'm going to get when DH and the family see this. It's going to be interesting that's for sure... Not that my family aren't supportive, my family especially my parents have been amazing cheerleaders and have been in my corner from day one. My dramatic change in diet never ceases to amaze them and everytime I talk to my Mum about how my sessions are going I hear the pride in her voice. They just worry that I'm going to turn into this big muscly Arnie looking chick LOL.. I'm pretty sure that wont EVER happen lol.

So how am I going on the beginning of the journey to my new goal? Um I'm not sure.. I'm not feeling too comfortable about not doing strength training and I'm totally freaking out about not shedding enough fat during this acceleration period. I haven't been feeling too crash hot the last few days (although I'm feeling alot better now) and my meals have dropped to 3-5 over the weekend.I think it's also because I've been on the go doing housework etc.. Add to that the crap my husband has been bringing into the house. While I've been pretty good it's just really hard. I worry that I may eat something awful at night (I have issues with eating in my sleep.)  The worry and stress aren't going to help me though so I'm just trying to relax and go with it. I'm not supposed to be aiming for 100% compliance (thank god as I would totally fail!) and while I dont have to send my food diary ot my trainer anymore I'm still recording it so I can keep track. I should be doing a DEXA scan soon and I am absolutely dreading it. Not because it's an awful nasty thing to go through it's just  with measurements I always expect more then I get and with all the hard work and focus I have put in it would crush me not to get big numbers..  I guess I just have to breathe in, breathe out and accept what the numbers may be. I'd be lying though if I said I haven't thought of surgery but thats just a quick fix... And it's too painful and yukky. 
Tomorrow is the beginning of a new week and I am going to make it an amazing one. I'm only allowed 4 ICE sessions so I have two with D one with Sean and the Saturday group with Jazza. The results I get will be from the effort I put in so if you don't hear from me it's because I've killed myself from the effort.. LOL just kidding.


I've had a few friends ask me questions about my diet and workout etc and while I'm happy to tell you what I do I'm not a fitness professional and what works for me may not always work for someone else... If you have any questions at all go to www.fitterhealthierstronger.com and email D-Rok your questions...  He obviously knows his stuff look how far I've come....

Anyway I best be off. Got to finish washing up the dishes from my pre cook and get my gear ready for tomorrow. Have a great week everyone!


 

NEVER EVER EVER Let a doubter bring you down...

So last night I was talking to my Dh and he asked me what I had eaten for the day... I told him and he then proceeded to lecture me on having too much protein and how my body wouldn't absorb it so I would get a fat gut and that it's all scientific research blah blah blah...
While he hasnt always been the biggest fan or supporter of my MP journey and training I may have deluded myself into believing that he may have changed while o/s... Yeah no...  At least he is going to work the payments for training into the budget but that's about as far as it goes..
Anyway, the 'conversation' has been on my mind all day. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and wasn't happy with what I saw.. Today was a 'fat day'.. You know what I'm talking about.. A day where you dont see the mad muscle tone or the slimmer legs you just see a big round tummy that stands out and taunts you. Add one of ht ekids at work lifting my shirt and announcing to me that I had a 'big belly' and rubbing it like you rub Buddha's belly and you have a recipe for disaster thought wise..
I went into this evenings session fuming, but looking forward to working my ass off and proving my DH wrong... I honestly dont know what the hell happened but I wound up nearly passing out a few times... We stopped at one point and DRok passed me a shaker with cordial and dextrose (I swear to god there was no water in it) to get my sugar levels up and it did work...  I wound up feeling a bit gross later on though and I'm still mind boggled as to why... Despite feeling like shit and nearly passing out I have to admit I'm a little proud of not giving up... D gave me the choice of one more circuit with shorter rounds or stopping for a stretch...  I'll give you one guess which option I took :) That was when I felt like throwing up though... I had nearly finished my rowing round when all the liquid in my tummy made me feel squeamish... I took a deep breath and kept going though because (as I always say) "I'M NO WUSS!!!" (Not that anybody who isnt as frikking crazy as I am is.. You get what I mean)
The reason I am sharing this is because while having someone who doubts your ability can be a good thing, letting them get into your head and convincing you that they are right is WRONG!!! Never lose faith in yourself,  you'd be amazed at how far you can go when you push yourself past your limit.. For me it was this evenings session and push ups last night. I had a pain going through my right arm and chest. It was so bad I was nearly crying but I kept on going... I figured if it was a ripped muscle I wouldnt have been able to have continued and I'm pretty sure D wouldn't have been encouraging me to keep on pushing. (But then again I am starting to wonder if he has a secret agenda to make me the first victim of Death by Trainer... LOL Just kidding D.. We both know it's Sean's agenda :) ) 
I have a new body goal. I'm not going to share it publicly as I am still feeling really bad about not making the Hawaiian bikini body goal. Suffice it to say that I'm going to have to put even more hard work into my sessions and keep my food up there.... I've given myself a more realistic time limit of two years. When I start getting close I'll let the cat out of the bag but until then it's my secret. I dont need the doubters and negavtive Nancys bringing me down.. They already try now. 
Training this week has been awesome. I finished my second MP cycle and am now doing cardio. Monday was a mad boxing session (I LOVE boxing!) with DRok who is very lucky to be alive after making me push him across the room... Seriously I was going to kill him for pushing me back so hard!!!! Tuesday was group boxing with my dear new friend Sean. Sean is one of the relatively new trainers at Prestige but he is absolutely amazing!!! He is dedicated and passionate about what he does and I seriously see him going far in the fitness industry. I have a lot of time and respect for Sean, he did an absolutely amazing presentation at the last Super Saturday about himself and how he wound up doing what he does and while I liked and respected him before it made me like and respect him even more. He is another hardass trainer which is another reason I love him to bits!!! He pushed me so hard I crashed out before 21:30 and woke up at 6:30 due to my husband putting his dead cold hands on my back.. That is definately a big thing for me!!!  Yesterday was a circuit with D in the carpark at the studio.. Lots of running, skipping, push ups and BLOODY LUNGES!!!  Todays circuit consisted of rowing, bench press, row weight thingos (I'm tired), Stair runs and step ups with weights. A strong yet scary finish to my first week in 'acceleration'
I'm not going to group on Saturday morning as I am only 'allowed' 4 ICE sessions a week. At this point in time I'm a little freaked out and unsure of what to do with myself but I know that it's in my best interests to listen to D and he has the right reasons for telling me only 4. I plan on going back next week though and am thoroughly looking forward to it. Saturday groups are a part of my routine, I'm lost without them! LOL Oh well, I can use the time to update about Hawaii..
Anyways I'm going to go to bed. I'm tired saw and still a little queasy. I also have an early start.
Have a great weekend everyone and dont let the negatives get you down!!!!!

Here's to new beginnings!!!

Aloha!!! I'm still alive I have just had an absolutely amazing time in Hawaii and just as I was beginning to settle back into my routine and life at home the Green Mistress decided to send my DH home early... Yes, the husband is home!!!! He has been home for a few days and while it is lovely to have someone here, he is driving me a little crazy.. So nothing new lol... I'm just so glad this whole deployment is over and I can start working on things that went off track while he was gone. I have a few weeks until he leaves again for Sydney so I'm being really nice and letting him hog everything.. :)
Training has been going well.. Finished week 12 of the MP program so am now in the 'acceleration period'... Here's hoping I can smash a few more kilos of fat before going for the DEXA scan (dum dum duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!)... My food since my return has been pretty good and my body seems to know that the holiday is over...  I finally reached a goal two days before leaving for Hawaii.. I DID 4 REPS OF 200 KILOS ON THE LEG PRESS!!! Incredibly proud of that achievement although I was a little sore afterwards and had a bit of a scare with my knee...  Turns out I was worried for nothing though..
I will do a separate post on Hawaii this weekend. Things have been rather hectic with both of our homecomings..
I'm going to have to cut this short, I am absolutely exhausted after being smashed at todays ICE session with DRok and having an early start.. I promise I'll do a proper update this week!