Fall down 7 times, get up 8...

I don't think my ass has hit the floor as much as it has the last few weeks. 
I'm at an absolute loss as to why I'm struggling so much. Today I walked into work and my group leader asked (in a very nice way) "Have you put weight on?" I honestly wanted to melt into the floor and die. Seriously, I haven't been as strict as usual (I had a sausage roll TWO  DAYS IN A ROW LAST WEEK!) but my food has been pretty good and I've been keeping up with my sessions giving it everything I can despite not feeling 100%. Of course being a chick I then went to all of my friends at work and asked the question "Do I look like I've put anything on? Please be honest I need to know" I love my friends. They are amazing. Two of them said "No" and when I gave them my doubting look I got "I am your friend I wouldn't lie to you". R's response was what I needed to hear. "I am your friend and I love you but ever since DH came home you haven't been your usual dedicated self. You haven't been as strict with your eating but you are worrying over nothing." Those weren't her exact words but it was pretty close  and she is 100% right. I think that conversation, the 'breakdown' from yesterdays session and the tears after tonights group session are what I needed to get my shit back together.
So what happened yesterday? I went to my session and was all normal (well as normal as I can get lol).. D got out the rower and we started rowing. Then out of nowhere (and I seriously have no idea where it came from) I stopped rowing and told him that "This just isnt going to work. We need to figure out a new goal or something cause this isnt going to work." So instead of doing hardcore rowing for 20 minutes I rowed and we talked about what was going on in my head, why I thought what I did and if I believed that I would make progress because in the end mindset can hold you back. Not saying everything is 100% again but it gave me enough to smash it through the rest of the session. D suggested making up a motivation board, so in true Ness style I flew home, made DH drive me to officeworks and bought TWO decent sized corkboards. One for my kitchen the other for my bedroom. I then went through and started gathering motivational pictures I have shared, posted or pinned on Facebook and Pinterest. There are ALOT! I haven't finished the first one yet and I am thinking of rearranging it but it's helping. I'm starting to get my groove back. 
Today's group with Sean was good... I don't know if I was at my usual standard of awesomeness (Sean knew something was up) but by the end of it I was still sweaty and I'm pretty sure my eyeballs were steamy... I absolutely love my boxing sessions with Sean. We work hard and afterwards he and I walk along the waterfront and part ways at the studio (except tonight I needed a microwave) and we always have awesome conversations. I love getting Sean's view on things. He is really switched on and is learning so much I often forget that I am so much older then him :)  Between D and Sean I am very lucky to have access to such awesome trainers who are also frienmily (and of course Iceman and Jazza... I just spend more time with D and Sean :))  You gotta love a guy who doesnt freak out when a chick starts crying randomly lol.

So where to from here? Tomorrow is a new day. I have started my goal of getting my meals right and I am going to try and get every week at least 82% compliance (not that I'm submitting an efile or anything like that but I know what high compliance weeks should be. I did so many of them it isn't hard for me to get it right.) I'm going to finish my motivation boards and put them up. I have put the progression pic D made up for me as my cover photo on Facebook. Some people asked if I was doing it for attention or comments but to be honest I did it so every time I get onto Facebook I can see with my own two eyes how far I've come. Yes, it has been a slow process and it's going to take time to get where I want to be but I have to remember that it is a healthier and more sustainable way of being where I want to be. Rome wasn't built in a day etc etc. I also did it to prove to MYSELF that despite what the lying son of a bitch voice in my head says I CAN DO IT! I have gone from butterball to semi foxy chick so far, I can only keep going! 
Remember 

I am going to keep posting the motivational quotes and pictures on my Facebook.  I am also going to print and pu this quote on my boards

"I shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me. Or I can be lost in the maze. My choice. My responsibility. Win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny."
-Anonymous

I thought I'd post a few of my motivational pics I found online up so that I can look back on them if I'm out and about.
I will not give up.I will get up dust my ass off and keep going. I will succeed and one of these days I will look back and laugh at my stupidity. 
Have an awesome night everyone!