And up I get again....

As with every other DEXA/measurement day I am not happy with the results. Only change is I would absolutely love to be swallowed up into the ground right about now.
For the first time EVER I have gains... I have gained a total of 13cm allover my body, 1 kilo of body fat and 1 kilo of lean muscle. The positive in this is that I GAINED 1 KILO OF LEAN MUSCLE WOO!
I just feel like all that hard work I put in before Hawaii was pointless. Ok maybe not.. I did look awesome it was just the aftermath that stuffed it all up... I've been struggling with staying on track and hitting the dedication I had before Hawaii. I just can't seem to get over the whole not getting where I wanted to be. I worked SO HARD and I was so good.. I put in everything and it still wasnt good enough.
The funny thing was I went into the DEXA place feeling optimistic even though my measurements were crap. I guess I can be proud of the fact that everything was pretty much the same. 

I've been running through everything I;ve put in my mouth (whether it's in my food diary or not) and I'm starting to see why it turned out the way it did. Peanut Buttercups (even though they were dark chocolate ones), Dark Chocolate overdose, Alcohol, Sausage rolls, High energy carbs outside a window (not alot but a few times), malteasers.... Those are definately the offending sins... 

So where to from here? I'm not going to lie.. I was tempted to tell D that I didnt want to do this anymore but if I'm honest, that wouldn't make me happy. I don't want to give up. I have hope and faith that I can lose those 13cms and then some. I just need to find my groove. Tomorrow morning I'm having a goal setting session with D. I'm kinda hoping that tomorrow will bring my old drive back. I just dont know why this is happening and it's absolutely annoying the hell out of me. I don't want to be like this. I want to be where I was before Hawaii with my eating and training. Noone can lose this weight and gain the muscle for me, I have to do it myself. The next transformation challenge is in October. I'm GOING to pull my shit together and win this one. I am going to lose that 13cms and more and that kilo of fat will be nothing but a distant memory. I will have that bikini body for summer....

So here's the latest progress photos... I'm trying to pick differences and see if I look as fat as I feel but honestly I dont see it... 

 As always it's about the gun show :)

 At least my bum doesnt look so big lol

 See I dont see the gains in my tummy (phew)

Why is it I always look squinty and asian in my photos???
No matter how shit the numbers are I am grateful to be on this journey... Thanks to my snotface for answering the phone listening and saying the right things...  You are right this is just a tiny bump in the journey... I love you xxx Thanks to D for putting up with my tears  and as always throwing the right questions at me...You are definitely THE greatest trainer in the universe!!! One day there will be no need for tissues on measurement day hey? LOL Rachael and Luke, thank you for the awesome chat today you guys are awesome and I love hanging with you guys :) I look forward to many more awesome chats and sessions with you :) and saving one of the best for last Sean, thanks so so much for making me laugh this afternoon... I'm so glad you have a muscley bum otherwise my poor legs would've been stuffed LOL ♥