You've come a long way babe....

I'm still here! Just plodding along getting myself together and trying to get back on track.
I am doing a lot better since my last entry. I still feel sad about everything and the few things that have happened since but I am so blessed to have been sent so many rainbows to chase away the dark clouds.
I have been keeping in touch with a lot of the paternal side of my family and I am working on my relationships with relatives I wasn't so close to beforehand. I have been in regular contact with my Uncle (who I saw for the first time since I was a little girl the day before Nana's funeral) and my Aunties as well as my brother and biological father. I have learned so much about the other side of my family and it's been really good to discover the other half of my heritage.
Work is going well. I have a very interesting and challenging class that keep me on my toes! I am happy with the other educators in my room (who I love and am very close to). We have our moments but the best part of a journey is the bumps in the road. It gives me the chance to grow and learn. Tomorrow we have parent-educator information night for my class and I am sweating bullets about getting up in front of people and talking. I have a fair idea of what I want to say, I just hope that I can say it eloquently and not nearly break my ankles as I tend to do when public speaking.... Send some good vibes my way please!
I had my birthday the other week. I honestly planned on staying home alone and moping but that was not the case. My frienmily threw me a surprise birthday bbq on the Friday as C couldn't be there Saturday and on my birthday we had a family bbq again. I was showered with so many lovely well wishes, videos,cards, calls and messages. My father even skyped me. The best was talking to my Mum and Dad though. They always bring out the big rainbows. I was very spoiled too. My brother R bought me two very beautiful Pandora beads for the bracelet he, Mum and Dad gave me a few years ago. My brother J sent me an awesome card that was so me, my father and step mother gaveme a beautiful soft bathrobe in my favourite colour, Mum and Dad gave me an away Panthers jersey (the last pink one ever!!!!) and my wifey and lady love gave me a QUEENSLAND PANTHERS MEMBERSHIP!!!! I could go on and on about my birthday, but I won't. Suffice it to say that I am so truly grateful to have such wonderful and beautiful people in my life!
Training is going ok. I really need to knuckle down with planning and nutrition! That is my goal for the next 12 weeks as well as getting back on track with my Intense Cardio. The fat won't melt away just lifting weights!
Over the last week I have been reflecting on how far I have come with the way I deal with my anxiety and depression. A few years ago I can guarantee you that there is no way I would have dealt with everything life has thrown at me that way I have and I certainly wouldn't be how I am now. I have my dark moments. But instead of clinging to them and allowing them to drag me down, these days I keep on going and look ahead for the rainbow. I have finally found a way to turn on the light!  I have a few friends at the moment who aren't doing so well and I remember what I was like when I was in the stage they are in now. If you are reading this (you know who you are) just keep on going. While there might be a million reasons for you to be sad there are a million and one for you to smile. I am one of them. Keep holding on and remember there are so many people who love you and you give them a reason to smile. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

For all the wonderful people who have been the glue that held me together, the bearers of rainbows, the light in the dark, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you for never giving up on me, for giving me a hand up whenever I fell, for making me laugh when I wanted to cry. Thank you for helping me heal. thank you for loving me enough to never give up on me. I love you!!! xxx
Anyway I best be off. I need an early night and would like to spend some time with my furbabies while watching Adventure Time to wind down. Until next time :)

I am here

I apologise for not posting as I said I would. The day after my wedding anniversary my Nana from my biological father's side passed away.
While it was a blessing for her, Nanas passing was not only a shock but also a moment that has made me re-evaluate my views and decisions.  While I do not regret staying in Brisbane to look after my niece while her sister was being delivered at Christmas, I do regret not making the time to go and see Nana and Granddad. This is something that I tortured myself with until other things occurred.
I flew down to Sydney on Friday the 16th for Nanas funeral which was also Granddad Beckett's 92nd birthday. On the Monday morning I got a call saying Granddad had had a bad turn and may not make it. I met up with my Aunty C and Uncle M and together we went to see Granddad. To see my Granddad laying on a bed looking frail broke my heart.  We spent some time with him, said goodbye and left. You can only imagine my delight to see Granddad awake and out of his room for his birthday party.  My brother J2 (I have two brothers with J names so they will be J1 and J2. J2 is my father and step mothers son. I am awfully fond and proud of him even though we dont know each other well. He is a good guy and he always remembers to txt me for my birthday!) and I took Granddad back to his room when he got too tired and had had some of his birthday cake. While we were waiting for the nurse to put him to bed I sat with Granddad and talked to him about his day. He placed his hand on mine, squeezed it looked me in the eyes and smiled. Until my dying day I will carry and cherish that memory. I wish I could take that moment and make it into a photograph.
Granddad went to sleep that night and never woke again. He kept going though which is why I chose to extend my stay here in Sydney. I went to see him on Friday and spent a few hours reading him the paper.. I realised on that very day that the most positive section of a newspaper is the sports section. My Granddad learned on that day that his girly granddaughter really loves the Western Sydney Wanderers.
My step mum came and we chatted for hours exchanging stories about Granddad while I stroked his hair. His hair was silky on top but coarse on the sides. Granddad gave me a few moments of heart failure when he stopped breathing. But he eventually took another breath and I left with the hope that not only would I see him Sunday but that he would keep going after I left on the Tuesday. Unfortunately that wasn't so.
On Saturday I went to the city with my Mum and Dad who had arranged for us to have dinner at my FAVOURITE restaurant. Because we had time to burn, we went shopping in QVB  stopping at my FAVOURITE  shop (Victoria's Secret). Just before I went to pay for my purchases J2 rang and gave me the news about Granddad. Sadly, Granddad had gone.
I extended my stay and tomorrow we put my Granddad to rest with Nana. The blessing is that they are together again. After Nana passed Granddad saw her around so we knew she was waiting for him.... Even though they are at peace and aren't suffering, the effect that everything that has happened has knocked myself and my paternal family for 6. I have been trying very hard to stay strong and the closer it gets to the funeral, the harder it gets.
I do not regret staying with Granddad.  Not at all. Not one bit.  But watching someone you love slowly die and become a frail shell is one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with and that is why in a small way, I am glad that I didn't see Nana when she passed.
The positive in this is that I have grown closer to my Aunty C, reconnected with my Uncle M, met my Aunty S and her awesome partner (who will forever be my chocolate pudding buddy)) and have also had better communication with my father J2 and his family.
I am going to try to keep it together the best I can tomorrow.  I have organised an Australian native floral wreath for Grandads coffin and I have an Australian flag to go with it. I am still deciding which poem to read as I feel that the two I am stuck choosing between are both beautiful. I guess Granddad will be pleased with it....
so that is why I have been absent. I want to take the time to thank my beautiful family, frienmily and friends for their love and suppprt during this really hard time. Your love and support has kept me going and I am forever grateful for it.
I have still been training during this time and my nutrition has been ok. I will update soon but for now I need to get through tomorrow,  get back to Brisbane and then grieve properly while getting back into my routine.  Please pray or send positive vibes to my family. Thanks x

Here, there and everywhere... Filling in the gaps

Yesterday I set my goals for the upcoming year. While reflecting on how many goals I achieved last year, I realised that I have not been posting here and my accountability has turned to absolute rubbish. I have not been filling in my nutrition for my online coaching with Luke and my training has not been very consistent at all.
So I am going to try my hardest to keep myself on track and also keep people who are interested in my journey up to date. 
Last post I was preparing for my first ever City 2 Surf run back in 2013.  
So how did I go with it?? WELL I was telling everyone that I was aiming to just finish but I had told Rachael that I wanted to finish it in under 2 hours..... And finish it in under 2 hours I did!!!!! 1:59:45!!! Just scraped in and I am so PROUD that I did :) It was hard. I was nervous. I was so afraid of not finishing I had to stop and pee within the first 2kms!!! 

I will forever be grateful to my best friend and sister from another Mister, Peta  for taking the plunge and running with me! After finishing the City 2 Surf I felt invincible. So much so that in September I ran the Bridge to Brisbane without running  since the City 2 Surf! Again, I smashed my goal. Finished the 10km run in 77 minutes which was 2 minutes off my first ever Bridge to Brisbane. 

Now onto 2014....
I know I am glossing over but a lot has happened in the last year and a half. I am trying my best to make sure I dont skip the important bits though :)
We began 2014 in our new house. The lease with DHA on our old house wasn't renewed in September so we were packed and moved to a much lovelier suburb and house. I am so grateful to live where we are now. My neighbours are amazing and I have made some really lovely true friends.
I have hit a lot of goals training with Luke. I came very close to my bench goal of 50 kilos (a goal that I have decided to aim for again this year!) and have discovered that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was! My favourite exercises are Bench Press, Close Grip Bench (aka the T-Rex lift), Stiff legged Deadlifts, Seated Row, Squats, Leg Press and Assisted Chin ups. Least favourite is and always will be split squats. *blergh* 
I finished training with Luke at the end of September due to finances.  I couldn't afford the investment so I a now training on my own at Goodlife in Carseldine, Chermside and Wintergarden (Brisbane City.) I have dropped the ball since finishing with Luke but that is my own fault for allowing myself to use not having a training buddy as an excuse.
I have actually begun enjoying doing my weight training on my own. I plug my headphones into my ipod and just do my own thing. I need to workout a schedule that matches my rotating roster and allows me to get 2 weight sessions and at least 3 ICE (Intense Cardio) done while also getting the usual household duties and responsibilities done. I really need to get my license!
Once again in 2014 I used every fun run I did (not that there were many due to illness and injury.) to try and raise some money for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation of NSW. The Everyday Hero page is still open for a few more months.. If you want to help me reach my goal by donating or sharing the link I would really appreciate it! The link is: https://give.everydayhero.com/au/ness-e-beck I am $227.50 off my goal!! Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me by donating or sharing the link as well as cheering me on every step of the way!!!!
I kicked off my running year in May doing the 8km Mother's Day Classic. Smashed the previous record and finished it in 54:04!

Next run was the City 2 Surf. I had a few challenges before my 2nd City 2 Surf. Two weeks before the run I picked up a sweet pair of orthodics to help sort out my plantar fascitis. I have to admit it made the run interesting and rather painful towards the end... I had blisters on the arches of my feet and the pads of my toes.... But I kept going. I finished it in 1:49:53. 9 minutes 52 seconds faster than my first year. I don't know what made me smash so much off my time... I rang my friend Diana just as I was approaching Heartbreak Hill. I was so nervous despite making Heartbreak Hill my bitch previously that I guess I just needed to hear one of the many people who believed in me to give me that boost as I was running alone this year... I ran up that hill picturing my parents and my brother R waiting for me at the finish line. I remember hitting the 11km mark. My feet were so sore. I felt like I just wanted to give up. So I sent my Dad a txt telling him I would be there soon. That gave me the determination to keep going... I hit the 12km mark  and then I saw Bondi Beach... I remember putting one foot in front of the other and saying to myself "I can do this. I'm nearly done. I can do this. Keep going." and switching to "You are a champ. You can do this." I'm not going to lie I also had all sorts of scenarios of crossing the finish line going through my head. It helped me ignore the pain in my feet. As soon as I crossed the 13km mark I rang my Dad. I remember yelling "DAD! I'm coming! I'll be there soon!" and my poor Dad trying to make sense of what I was yelling at him on the phone. As soon as I hit where the crowds were I put in the extra effort not knowing where my family were and if they were watching... My Dad got some video of me on his phone running around the last corner. I didn't know where they were and by that point all I wanted to do was cross that line and get to a toilet as all the water I had been drinking from my waterpack as well as the gatorades decided to hit me right then haha. I crossed the line and when I looked at my watch I cried a few tears of happiness. I was aiming for 2 minutes off my previous time. Nearly 10 minutes was a big shock for me!! It took me at least that amount of time to get from the finish line to my family... We then caught buses to the station and a train to the city where we went and ate at Mamak's!!! Mamak's is one of my FAVOURITE restaurants in Sydney! 

Just after starting the run

Medal number 2!

 

 

 

 

 

I don't think I have any complaint about that day! Apart from the blisters lol.
Well I have to go get ready for work tomorrow so I'll leave it here for now...  I will post again either tomorrow or the day after with  Bridge to Brisbane and the rest of 2014. I also want to post my plans and goals for the year so that I have it somewhere other than Facebook....

When one door closes another one opens and then you break a toe or two....

Things have just been crazy lately...  Since my last entry I was just floating along through my training and just generally letting things get me down. Nothing in particular but some really stupid things really got me feeling really down. I was seriously starting to doubt my own self-worth and everything I had accomplished so far when life decided to throw me a few curve balls.
The first happened nearly two weeks ago. I had had a crazy day at work and as always on a Thursday I was starting to get really tired. So I went to my session honestly not really wanting to. Since I had my phone on silent I didn't receive my txt from DRok and was just a little surprised to find him coming down the stairs when I got to the studio. He said he wanted to go for a walk and talk. Of course me being me I assumed the worst and my mind went into overdrive. Of course I was right. He decided that he didn't want to train me anymore because he can't be the trainer I need.Needless to say, that threw me for six. We went back to the studio and did our last session together which was legs. I smashed the female leg press record. 261 kilos for 8 reps. Was good to go out on a high. 

Looking back,I think it was a good decision. Not that I hold any animosity towards D-Rok, I never could. I will be forever grateful for how far into the journey he helped me get to. But there comes a time when you've done what you can and you need to move onto bigger and better things. I wish D-Rok all the best in his future endevours and look forward to seeing his business thrive. 
You know what they say though, when one door closes another one opens. The next door to open is actually something I'm really excited about... I had a meeting with Luke from MP last week and we discussed me training with him.Luke is one of the best trainers in the Metabolic Precision  program. There is an article about him in the inspirational trainers section. Click on the link and have a read... We sat down and had a chat and Luke asked where I was motivation-wise and I said a 6/10. We discussed motivation and how it helps with strength training and I have decided that until I feel that I am back up to 10/10 and have my drive and my 'why' I'm training I'm only going to do group training which is ICE. I'll also be doing some ICE training on my own as soon as my toes heal. When I'm back on track I'll talk to Luke about strength sessions. I'm really happy to be back at MP doing the group sessions.I've really missed them. The atmosphere there is just awesome and I absolutely love the people. I feel like I belong there. I am also looking forward to seeing the results from this part of the journey. 
The second curve ball came that Sunday... I broke my little toe and possibly the one next to it. I've never had a broken bone before so I'm actually rather distressed that it had to happen now and be such a stupid break! It hurts like hell considering how little it is and this will be my second week off training. 
Third curve ball? I may have to stay in Brisbane when DH goes to Albury. While I'm not going to give up without a fight and try as hard as I can to get home to where I need to be for me, I'm a little discouraged. I hate that I can't plan anything in my life without having to wait and see what DH's career and bosses have to say. I know that it's part of the life blah blah blah but it would be nice to have some sort of control of MY life. After all the only document I signed was my wedding certificate and I'm pretty sure it didn't mean I became controlled by the green machine. I'm not complaining just venting. 

Right now, right at this very minute though, I'm feeling a little depressed about not training and working. I've lost my focus nutrition-wise and I'm actually really embarrassed and disgusted with my food choices.  Over the weekend I indulged in pizza, curry, burritos and worst of all KFC... So I guess it's no real surprise that I feel like crap... I've been putting crap into my body...
 I am trying REALLY hard to stay positive I really am just a few things have me feeling a little um 'emotional'. Tomorrow I am going to try and take my dog for a walk. I'm going to do my weekly food prep and am going to stick to the nutrition rules of metabolic precision. I am also thinking of starting to record my food in my diary again. I'm pretty lucky, I don't think I've gained too much if anything over the last few weeks thank goodness for that. I need to get back on track and not lose all that hardwork... 

I would like to take this moment to thank all of the people who have been there for me over the last few weeks. Whether you knew it or not you helped me not go nuts and just listening to my blabbering saved me from turning into a big bawling ball. Thank you so much. Words can't express how much I truly appreciate you being in my life.

The trip to Newcastle went well. It was REALLY cold which was yukky but I had a great time catching up and spending quality time with my inlaws. I got two runs in and while I wasn't happy with my times I have to admit I am proud of the fact that I ran up all those hills and only died going up one ONCE!!! My nutrition wasn't too bad either although I did indulge in a few delicious goodies :)
It's one month and 11 days until the City 2 Surf. I'm not sure how I'll go but I am hoping to be able to get some training in before it. Peta is off on injury too atm so keep your fingers crossed everyone that we can heal quickly, get some training in and smash that run!
This month I am also doing Dry July in memory of my friends and family and friends and family of my friends who have died of cancer. The money I raise will be going to help Nepean Cancer Centre which is in my hometown of Penrith NSW. The Cancer centre provides awesome care for cancaer patients in the Penrith and Blue Mountains areas. This is the link: https://au.dryjuly.com/profile/nessharris. Please help me by donating what you can or sharing this link and helping me get the word out there.  I'm actually looking forward to having an alcohol-free month. It can't do any harm can it? :) 
Thanks for taking the time to read this and sorry for the sad sap parts... Peace out Rabbits and I'll post again sooner then last time! ;)


 

An overdue update....

I have come to realise since I have stopped posting and recording my food in my food diary I have dropped the ball a little. While I go to my strength sessions I have been skipping group and not doing my ICE at home. I have had many reasons for not going to group but aside from my work excuses none of them were really justified. 
I'm not proud of dropping the ball and I'm thankful that I havent seemed to have put anything on. After DRok asked me about my ICE on Tuesday I have been really thinking about things and have come to realise that I have let a negative attitude get the better of me.
A lot has been going on. We've left MP studio as DRok has decided to go out on his own and presently we are training at a studio which houses the old training company where I began training (just a different location).  It's closer to work and I am back doing the leg press (I did 170 kilos on Thursday :)) but I'm still getting used to not seeing Rach, Lukey and the MP crew. They are frienmily to me and I really enjoyed the atmosphere there. I do go back for the occasional boxing session though which I really enjoy. I am happy to be training at the same location as Satisha again (even though we never train at the same times) and it's nice to see the guys again (even though I have yet to see Sean..) It takes me awhile to enjoy a change in routine. DH has also decided to put in for a corps transfer. This means he will be going to Albury for 18 months. I have decided not to go with him and to try and get a relocation back home to be near family. While I have been blessed to have such wonderful friends and frienmily here in Brisbane, I have thought this through and have decided that being home near family is what would be best for me. I'm tired of always being alone (even though I know it is part of the lifestyle and I know that others have it harder then me) and I just want to go home. I feel it would also help with my mental health (which hasn't been too bad but recently I have been having minor meltdowns.) I haven't really said much about it until now as when I have sought advice and help I have been judged rather harshly and been attacked for my choices. So if you have issue with my decision I respect your right to an opinion but I would appreciate it if you kept it to yourself. It's not like I'm doing this without putting a  lot of thought into it and while I may come across as confident in everything I do have my worries. 
Anyway.... What else has happened in the last 3 months? Work has been good. I am really enjoying working with my group leader and my class are just awesome. I absolutely love them! My nutrition has been up and down but that's ok because I'm human. I achieved my first goal of my list of goals to achieve for this year! I ran the 8km Mother's Day Classic in 1:02. Granted I was 2 minutes over my goal time but I had to stop to go to the toilet so I'm taking 5 minutes off... :) I'm actually really proud of how I did. Within the  first 2 kilometres I was freaking out and seriously doubting myself. I was terrified that I was going to injure my ankle again and that I wasn't ready. When I hit the 2km mark I thought to myself 'You're a quarter of the way through this. You can run 10km in 79 minutes you can do this....' and it was like a fire had been lit under my butt.. Whenever I felt like giving up I said to myself  'come on Ness you can do this... you can do this Ness!' over and over... I did get a few odd looks (I was saying it out loud to myself) but to be honest I didnt care. In the last kilometre it had started to drizzle and in the last 50 metres a song that I first heard in Foot Locker in Waikiki came on my ipod and just like that I was back there on the only drizzly day during my trip. In my mind I wasn't running in Brisbane I was walking across the main street of Waikiki and I swear I could smell the beach and the beautiful smells I have come to associate with Hawaii... The song finished and the next thing I knew I was racing two older ladies to cross the finish line. And my ankle was fine!!! It was really awesome to cross that finish line and see the faces of Rach and DH standing amongst the crowd waiting for me... DH had even bought me a banana which had been injected with Dark Chocolate... What a way to finish a run!! :)
Training has been ok.. I'm feeling a little unorganised and out of sync with things which I think is one of the reasons I've dropped the ball. I feel like I'm not working towards anything specific at the moment as we are not doing a 12 week challenge. We took measurements the week before last but I have no idea what the differences are between that and the last lot of measurements.. I'm pretty sure there hasn't been any gains though which is the main thing :)
I don't know if I posted the goals here but I'm going to now so I can come back and see them... This is the original status I put up:

Complete the 10k run in the Twilight run in March (anyone want to join me??) in under 80 minutes
Complete the medium or short course of triathlon pink in April (I'm still undecided)
Complete the 8km Mothers day classic in under 60 minutes
Complete the City to Surf in August (I really am not fussed about my time.. Who would like to join me?)
Complete the 10km Bridge to Brisbane smashing last years time of 79 minutes.
Anyone want to join me in any of these let me know!!!
I would also like to say drop down to 20% body fat ( at least), be able to bench 60 kilos, get back on a leg press and do 220 kilos, deadlift some awesome weight and be able to do 5 chinups in a row....
 Obviously the first two were unachievable due to my ankle injury (which is doing really well! I have had a few hiccups but nothing too drastic). I'm going to start training for the city to surf this week. I want to focus on distance and then if I have time work on speed. I'm not too fussed on time just really want to cross that finish line in one piece :) My best friend Peta is running it with me and is currently running 4:25 minute kms... Don't think I'll be doing that pace lol!
I went home without DH for a quick weekend nearly a month ago. My cousin Lloyd finally married his beautiful other half Kat and it was an absolute joy to share their special day with them. I have never cried at a wedding (not even my own) until that day... It was absolutely beautiful. Cold but beautiful. Kat looked absolutely gorgeous and Lloyd couldnt have had a bigger smile if he tried. I also enjoyed catching up with family despite my brother J being a bit of a poohead and really hurting my feelings... But that's what brothers do I guess...
Next weekend we are going to Newcastle for our niece's christening. It will be nice to attend a family function with DH for a change, although there is no way he couldve missed this he is one of the god fathers... :) I'm really looking forward to spending time with my in laws, spending quality time with them especially my niece!!! She has grown so much since the last time we saw her and she is just soooooooooooooo adorable !DH and I just absolutely love her so much! I'm also looking forward to catching up with Sez. She's been so busy with work and her new house that we haven't really spoken in over a month. Yet another reason t add to the many for my decision to move back to Sydney. I'm packing my training gear and am hoping to get a decent run in while we are there. Here's hoping I dont get chased by evil poodles or scary birds... hahaha. 
I'm going to leave this here but I will post again soon.  Peace out rabbits! :)

Just another Manic Monday...

Still on the couch with this stupid ankle so haven't been doing much training wise which is absolutely killing me. I am trying to hard to stay positive and focused on the things I can do but some days I just can't do it. I'm starting to freak out about putting fat back on. I'm really concerned that I won't shed the 9 kilos of fat that I promised myself I would shed by the end of this 12 week challenge. Right now I'm sitting here about to cry because I'm just so disappointed in myself.
I've also noticed that I'm starting to fall back into the old routine that I had when I lived in Newcastle while DH was in Singleton. I'm not sleeping, I stay at home (which can't be helped due to my stupid ankle) and I spend waaaaaay too much time on the computer. I'm glad that I have noticed it now before it became a massive problem like last time.

On a good note though, I have been spending a lot of time just chilling with my furbabies. Today we all had an afternoon snooze at the same time. Puppy on her inside bed at the foot of the lounge and Kitty on top of the lounge near my head. It might seem weird to some people but I thought it was really sweet. I don't have human children of my own to love so I love my furbabies instead. God knows how they are going to cope when I go back to work though... I guess we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it. I also went and did a glamour photography session on Saturday. Angela and Jackie did such an amazing job, I can't believe that it's me in the sneak peek photos! It couldn't have been timed better either. Just when I was starting to feel gross and ugly I have been given this absolutely HUGE boost! Here's one of the two that have been put up:

A massive thank you to Angela from Grace Makeup and Jackie from Sullivan Portraits for this beautiful picture.
 

Can you believe that the woman in that picture is me??? I can't.. I keep thinking it's all a dream and that I'll wake up and see what I think I am... But when I pinch myself it hurts and I realise that I can be beautiful, I just need to open my eyes.

One of the only shows I watch on 'normal' TV came back yesterday evening and for once I can actually fully understand how the contestants feel. I'm talking about The Biggest Loser. I was absolutely shocked to see that a girl 10 years younger then me is only 10 kilos heavier... Talk about a wake up call! While I am perfectly aware that the scales don't account for much since they don't tell you how much is fat and how much is muscle, it still bothers me to be where I am especially after training so long and so hard. Another thing that bothers me is the reaction some people have to this show. When Brett got on the scales and was told that he was officially the biggest competitor, someone said "Shouldn't they just say you are officially the fattest fatty in Australia." I don't think I've ever been so disgusted in my life! I find it hard to get on the scales with only my trainer looking, they thought of doing it on NATIONAL TELEVISION makes me want to throw up with fear! I think it's brave and admirable to get up and do something like that no matter what your reasons for doing it are. I tell you what though I would totally do anything The Commando says (within reason lol) Tonight's episode was the first training session for everyone. I had a little bit of a giggle because it reminded me of my first session with DRok. While D wasn't a mean hard ass like Michelle, Shannan and the Commando, I do remember being made to go so hard on that stupid rowing machine I nearly threw up!  Seems I have come a long way since those days although I honestly don't feel like I've lost as much as I should've...
I have joined the shows site and have made a promise to myself. I plan on losing 10 kilos of fat by the end of June and I have promised not to give up on myself.  So no matter what life throws at me I am going to have faith in myself and my ability to achieve my goals.  Keep your fingers and toes crossed and watch this space!

Why hello there!

I'm still around but have ben so busy with training, work and just life that I haven't really had time to spare. And to be honest I have been rather unmotivated.
Right now I have been stuck on the lounge since Saturday night. I went for a run Saturday afternoon and wound up stacking it hardcore. Instead of doing the smart thing and going home I got up rotated my foot, walked it off and kept running. I ran 3k in 22 minutes but wound up getting home and finding out I'd stuffed my ankle. I went and saw a Dr on Monday and after ruling out fracture have concluded it's ligament sprain. It's been getting better but right now it's hurting like all hell. The dog has been so excited that DH returned home early from a bush exercise that she knocked and stood on my ankle/foot 3 times. I also did a bit of walking yesterday. Hopefully tomorrow the Dr gives me a clearance to go back to work next week!

Training has been so so... I kind of hit a wall at the beginning of the year after working my ass off and not getting the result that I thought I deserved. It was a little like the Hawaii goal all over again. I wound up having a chat with DRok and I think I have my groove back.... Being injured hasn't helped but I'm trying to stay positive and keep my nutrition up. I have noticed my belly shrinking a little too. 
So I'll post some progress pics. The first lot were taken on the 14h January in week 1 if the Transformation Challenge. The second lot were taken during week 6 on the 19th February 2 days before my birthday :)

 I don't know if you can really see the difference but I know I can... I stood side on and looked in the mirror just before hopping in the shower (something I don't really like to do as you can't hide the truth without a shirt and pants to hide under) and noticed my belly has shrunk.. I noticed some stretch marks on my tummy and before I let my mind go into that dark horrible place where I tell myself I look awful, I focused on how different I look compared to the last time I took photos (not that they will ever be posted here!) and how I'm starting to see the effort of all that hard work. I bought a tshirt from Soundwave two weekends ago and when I went into the toilets to put it on it was really tight... Since I'm feeling a little down about missing so much training I tried the t shirt on again and it fits rather nicely! 

On top of all this training news, DH and I were blessed with a gorgeous baby niece in January! She is an absolutely adorable little bub and we both love her very much. I have to say though, since she was born I've been VERY clucky. DH is probably thanking his lucky stars that I have so many goals (both life and health and fitness wise)  that I want to achieve before having babies. :)

I hope you all had an amazing start to the new year and look forward to hearing about your goals for 2013 and how you are going with achieving them... I'll post mine next time... I'm off to go wake my DH up and eat some dinner...  I'll leave you with this quote
 'No one has been defeated until defeat has been accepted as reality'- Bruce Lee

So keep working hard and stay positive! :)