The voice in your head is a liar!!!!

So I'm sitting here at my computer desk just chilling when I am overwhelmed by the sudden desire to cry. I am thinking about tonights upper body weights session and what springs to mind is me telling my trainer "I can't do this" and the little voice inside my head telling me "You cant do this, you're going to drop the weight on your face in a minute..." The funny thing is the voice in my head was wrong. Just as I was about to give in my trainer gave me the 'Dont you dare give up' look and said "You can." And I did it. Not only did I do the set, I did it twice. 
So why am I going to cry?
Well, going through the gym motivation pages on facebook I find all these quotes and pictures and I find myself feeling inspired and philosophical... I am also damn proud of the fact that I kept going when I really thought I couldnt.. It's not like I'm lifting massively huge weights but for someone whose Doctors and specialists said 12 months ago "You can't lift anything heavier then 5 kilos for the rest of your life and you'll have to leave your profession" I'm lifting a shitload more then what they said I ever would. 
I think back to 12 months ago and I remember sitting on my lounge watching whatever shows I had feeling sorry for myself. I thought I'd never be able to walk my dog or even run again and to be honest it made me feel like shit... Then there was the weight gain. My weight has been an issue for a majority of my life,... As a kid I was called 'podge' even though it wasnt in a nasty way it still made me feel fat. I wasnt fat but I wasnt skinny until I hit my late teens... I met a guy who I followed down a not so good path and dropped down to 45 kilos... Which is underweight for anyone thats 5'7"... This is what I looked like at the age of 23 at 45 kilos...

Gross huh?? You know the scary thing??? I got even thinner.. I dropped down to 40 kilos...... 9 months after this photo was taken my Nana died and I had had a rather violent end to that relationship with that guy... 7 years later I still have no clue how I managed to survive off only v, cigarettes and alcohol. I do however know that if it wasnt for my good friends Mary Anne and Mick threatening to tell my Mum to put me in hospital I probably wouldve died. Sounds a little extreme but to give you an idea I could probably measure the gaps between my ribs I got that thin. So I started eating got to a healthy weight and then caught cartilidge in my knee cap. Tore something calle a miniscous or however it's spelt and had to have an arthroscopy. And thats when the weight started to creep back on.
At 25 I was a size 10 and started working in a customer managers position at a major company store in Hornsby. I met my husband there and BOOM add on more kilos.... Most people believe a happy marriage is a great thing... Dont get me wrong it is, but it is also hazardous for your waistline!!!!
Since my wedding until my injury I put on about 15 kilos... So 3 years of marriage equals 15 kilos! LOL Then I had a disc in my neck pop out and is now in a position that if I dont do the right things it'll squash a nerve. I was so afraid to move I stacked on another 20 kilos.. Not so skinny now! 
I spent over a year feeling sorry for myself before I decided to actually do something. I wound up winning an auction and getting sessions with my current trainer and havent looked back. I havent lost much body fat wise or even digits on the scale wise... But I have lost 34.5 cms all over and have dropped a few dress sizes too. I still have a long way to go (25 kilos to be exact) but I will get there.
So back to my question why do I want to cry (Sorry I got a little sidetracked lol)
Because I wanted to give up over something so simple when I have faced bigger, harder and even scarier obstacles.. I have been to hell, faced the devil and even though I bear alot of scars inside and out, I survived and live to play another day. To put it simply, even though I am not happy with the way I look or feel I'm damn proud of how far I have  come in such a short time and how far I have to go. Why aim for the sky when there are footprints on the moon?
I'm going to leave you with a photo or two taken from my first measurements in October last year and from the last lot of measurements just after I began the MP Challenge in January.. 

 Front Back and Side taken in October 2011... God knows why I'm smiling I had just had my first experience with the calipers and it really sucked ass!!!

 Front back and side taken January 20th 2012.... Still along way to go but little bit by little bit it's going :)